and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
