I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
