i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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