I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
