I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my being single is dangerous.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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