I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
