I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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