did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's like iHOP with fire
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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