very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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