Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
