You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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