I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
