I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
