i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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