thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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