Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
