i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
