He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
