drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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