I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I smell stomach acid.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
