He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
