I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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