i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
