Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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