Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
