she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'd cum for enchiladas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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