It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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