i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
