i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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