drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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