Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
