He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
