I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
