I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
