I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
