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I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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