Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
