I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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