you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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