the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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