Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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