ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
