im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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