Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
