You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
