Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
