Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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