I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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