I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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