I could have mohawked her pubes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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