They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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