Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
